Grief is a natural part of life, yet when we experience it, or witness someone else going through it, it can feel anything but simple. Whether a loss is sudden or expected, it can still be deeply shocking. Even when a loved one has been unwell for some time, their passing can trigger emotions we didn’t anticipate.
We often imagine how we might react to the death of someone close. But when the time comes, the emotional weight can be far greater than expected. Some people feel numb, disconnected, or even describe themselves as ‘emotionless.’ But grief doesn’t follow a script, it’s a deeply personal and complex journey that looks different for everyone.
You may know someone who is grieving for the first time, or someone still struggling with the loss of a loved one years later. No matter the timeline, there is no ‘right’ way to grieve.
If you’re the one experiencing loss, allow yourself to do what you need, whether that’s spending time with others or finding space to be alone and reflect.
But if you’re wondering how to support someone who is grieving, here are a few simple but meaningful ways to help.
Often, it’s the simplest gestures
1. Say something – it’s better than saying nothing
It’s normal to feel unsure about what to say. But saying something is far better than saying nothing at all. A simple, ‘I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you,’ can mean a great deal. Just acknowledging the pain and offering your presence can be incredibly comforting.
2. Don’t be afraid to mention their loved one
Many people avoid bringing up the person who passed away for fear of causing more pain. But hearing their loved one’s name or memories can actually be comforting.
Saying something such as, ‘They would have loved this,’ even months or years later, can be a powerful way to keep their memory alive. While it might bring tears, it also shows that their loved one hasn’t been forgotten.
3. Stay connected in thoughtful ways
Life moves on for most, but for someone who is grieving, it can feel like everything has stopped. You may not be able to physically be there all the time, but you can still show up in small, meaningful ways.
- Send a quick message to check in
- Share a memory or photo on social media
- Leave a voice note or voicemail just to say you’re thinking of them
These small gestures can be replayed or revisited whenever your friend needs comfort. It’s not about grand gestures, it’s about showing that you care and haven’t forgotten.
4. Just listen
Grief can’t be fixed, but it can be witnessed. One of the most powerful things you can do is simply listen. Allow your friend to talk freely, even if they repeat themselves or share difficult memories.
If their loved one’s death was traumatic, they may need to process it again and again. Give them space to do that without judgment.
5. Don’t overthink it
If it’s been a while since you reached out, don’t let guilt keep you from reconnecting. A simple message, even after days or weeks, can still bring comfort.
Something as small as, ‘I’ve been thinking of you lately, how are you doing?’ can make a big difference. Don’t underestimate the power of showing up, even belatedly.
Grief is not a problem to be solved. It’s a deeply personal process that takes time, patience, and understanding. The most important thing you can offer someone who is grieving is your presence, whether that’s through listening, remembering their loved one, or just sitting with them quietly or over the telephone.
If you’re unsure how to help, ask:
‘What can I do to support you right now?’
Often, it’s the simplest gestures, a cup of coffee, a shared memory, or a quiet moment that brings the most comfort.
